Means of Seeing what the eye brings

April 19, 2009

the rhythm of the weight of water

Filed under: learning,paperwords — osteoderm @ 10:39 am

I

that’s right
it’s just like you

i take the water in
breathe the water in
pour it inside of me
right down inside of me
that’s right
that’s how i drink it in
once the fluid that forms the fluid once
molecules of hydration
tumbletoss and turn
once the fluid that forms the fluid once
once fluid that forms the fluid once
once flows the fluid that forms the once

that’s right
not even you
too daft to understand this thing
a simplesingle thing
a drink a draught a certain craft
the way we the world
sluice our throats a
parted-lip chuckle
a coarse shaven
hair back hand
wipes away a glow of
sweat a softwave
symphony brassy and delightful
no, not you
surely not you who
in moments desperate moments
unclips this safety belt
from your understanding
did you not even once
give into thirst

taste the formless mystery
inside every bulbous
creature of water
creature of craft and deity
creature hung long low and pendulous
creature sagging with the weight of water
oh of the weight of water
water and waters that we each and all had hung
come sprung and unsprung
that dripping beaded sac

oh but you
who coloured every thought
shaded every drop with
your own formless form
nothing so formal as this deep wallowing drinking
into the core i’ll drink to the core
i’ll drink to
the core i’ll
drink to the
core my throat all and at once
weighted now with water
my stomach pulses with that weight
my neck stretches to encompass this swallowing
endless now teeth and tongue each sucking at the other
until i stink of it

there is no rhythm
except the rhythm that
the rhythm that
is the rhythm that
and the rhythm that
the rhythm of the weight
and the weight of the water
of the rhythm that
of the weight of water
and so i pour and so i am poured
and so nothing makes a fluid sound so
fluid as the sound of fluid poured

so dance you
let the ways and means
dribble from your lips
and dance dance your dance
let the ways and means
dribble drip from your lips
touchstones as the fountains go
and i high on waterwine
will pass kindly the skin
from one mouth to another
press allrushingly the pressure presence

and that’s right
the water just like you
drinking in the water you
drinking in the water you
drinking in the water

II

and there
and that with that
and this is the dance we dance
over and through waters
swimming or sailing
floating or flailing
we pull this fluid
like comfort all about us
oh ah yes
there’s more of this
where this came from
comes from
goes away from
returns from

and so we go
going on parting
water cleaving waves
with hands hurried
or otherwise fingers
curled and curling
tears from dry eyes
motion stops motion
captured in some secret animation
some far and sacred place
where wallows the softy dying hulk
of remembrance
true and for truth
with no matters save
the deepening of spirit
or rhythm of waters

that rhythm of waters
that rhythm of
waters that rhythm
that staccato interlude
that finds us
again alone in
dance we jerk
and surge against
the tide rushing tide
with broken meters
feet and meters
where repetition finds
us repetition finds
us holy and washed
free from abandon

spat from the whale’s mouth
turned over once again
over and over
once again over
one last spasm sees us
our hearts souls and
sacrifices coughed out
into being once being
once being once again
until that weight
the holiest of weights
presses us down

III

and so then
we press on for
shore those stones
rise and risen
from the beat
of the leviathan
leave this sinking thought behind
press onward pressingly
forgetting the moment of
panic
bite it down
between our tongues
chew and spit
the blood away we
two three me
my hands and I
slap and flail

this and that surface yields
escapes my pressing flutterfeet
lets me hear the laughter
knows my each and every failing
shows me temptation
whisks it away
comes at me in
dreams as dreams
flashes the single
light the lamp
a moth on the horizon

water
writes letters in the dust
inexplicable letters
one in every language
one in every dustdrop
pittapat pittaping
collapses from the sky

water
shied and shy
darts and ditters
stutters across
skies and eyes
sheets and sluices
falls across and over
drums along and down

water
waves as rain
crumbles inwardly cuts
slices chokes
and holds us here
disobeys this simplest request
propels me nowhere
gives me nothing
but lap lapping laps
lap dancing dance
swirl swish hiss

washes sand between my toes
pushes land beneath my feet
washes every curse from
my mouth my pores
spits and pisses me
names me as
my own sole accuser
gives nor gains solace
until I can do nothing
save stand to kneel again
plunge face into the stream

and swallow you swallow
you each and every
swallow you each swallow
and plunge swallow
each and every swallow
plunge swallow each
and swallow you each
swallow plunge and

drink in every
one of you
heavyhanging
shallow and slow
counting out the time of eternity
time and times
until all is counted
counted out
counted upon
and forgotten

February 18, 2009

highschool forever

Filed under: learning,philosophy — osteoderm @ 6:40 pm

Around 8 years of age, I made a sort of vow to myself, a commitment to never forget what it was like to be a kid. To this day, I feel like I’ve been pretty successful at keeping that commitment, although the end result of such has both changed me and been changed by me over the years.
Maybe it all lies in the subtle difference between “always remembering” and “never forgetting”.
Either way, I’ve been a little kid for a very long time. Sometimes that holds my adult self back. On the other hand, sometimes -oftentimes- a pervasive childlike wonder and emotional/creative openness has made for much beautiful and interesting life experience.
Part of the inception of this commitment has always been the feeling that the “grown ups” had all really lost touch with their child-selves, and parallel to my own adult experience has been the feeling that all too many of my contemporaries have done just that.
But, whoa, let me fast-forward to the now.
So many of the interpersonal conflicts I’ve witnessed in my life and in the lives of my peers over these last few “grown-up” years suddenly seem -to me, anyways- to come straight out of highschool. With that, the realization that the grown-ups, me included, haven’t really been growing up that much after all; that we’re each mainly still the kids we were, 15-20 years old, with all our adult fears and foibles rooted in highschool, forever.
Only in this last year or so have I -surprisingly- caught myself stepping away or aside from some of my self-imposed commitment. Maybe it’s been the ol’ “Adventure At Sea” syndrome, or just enough perspective on my past. Either way, I’m surprising myself with how I deal with those parts of my life that would previously had my highschool self on the ropes or out the door. Maybe.
Right now, it’s time to go clean my room. 😉

November 30, 2008

when will i learn?

Filed under: learning,philosophy — osteoderm @ 6:55 am

It was fantastic outside yesterday, a total late-summer/early-fall day. I know this because I briefly twitched the curtains open for a peek outside sometime in the early afternoon, before settling lumplike into the couch for a day of Robert Redford movies and videogames.
Today is all high overcast, flat light, and a chance of rain. So much for my last gasp at a weekend outdoors… Sure, I’m out of bed by 8, chugging echinacea, thinking of breakfast, oh yes I’m an Active Modern Man; head buried deep in tomorrow’s workplace day, oh and soon I’ll be “out there”, laundry, groceries, wiping my ass with the best of intentions, wondering where the weekend went.

November 24, 2008

too much to ask

Filed under: learning — osteoderm @ 4:50 pm

Just sick of it… Please, please, please, can somebody suggest an employer who is NOT any of the following: violent, broke, alcoholic, stoned, terminally disorganized, lazy, uncommunicative, or clueless?
This year, I started working for a stoned drunk uncommunicative lazy violent boss, then moved on to a disorganized uncommunicative clueless boss, and am now working for a stoned broke disorganized boss. Is it entirely too much to ask for an employer who knows what they are doing, pays on time (or at all!), and engenders a feeling of respect rather than one of contempt in their employees?
My personal “favourite” this year is a type of employer I like to call “The Witless Millionaire”. Typical WM maneuvers include: a complete and utter non-understanding of pay scheduling; in the world of the WM, what’s the big deal over not paying your employees thousands of owed dollars for weeks or months at a time? I mean, doesn’t everyone have $10k in savings to fall back on? Or: spending $20 to save $5; sitting on my hands (being paid (in theory)) for 4 hours while the boss decides whose car he’ll borrow to drive 5 blocks to pick up $6 worth of wood…
People who’ve been down this long road before keep telling me that the only sure-fire way to garner respect from the WM archetype is to simply charge more. Lucky me, I’m working in the state with the nation’s highest unemployment rate, so I have to feel lucky to have a job at all, let alone with the whole “giving myself a raise” thing.
Maybe it is too much to ask.

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