One landmark’s reflection in the shadow of another.
October 12, 2004
October 8, 2004
another “Last Huzzah?
On the road-trip. Been travellin’. For over awhile now, i’ve been out an’ about, seeing old friends, and generally “takin’ care of bidness”; spending my earnings, catching light with the new camera, and generally living well.
For those of you who care to know, my mood has taken a turn for the better; sure, i still think about her, but now the feelin’s vary ‘tween missing her friendship and sympathy, rather than anger and grief. About right now is the time when we were to start speaking again, at least according to her master plan. (more…)
The cause of my newfound joy? Ah… the road-trip: old friends, new friends, good friends. Real intelligent conversations on psychology, politics, and revolution over sushi. Debate on the merits of Marxism at Deserts Cafe. Tapas and confessions with Zoe. Running into Johnny outside the noodle shop in a city neither of us expected to be in. Five nights in a row dining at DV8; knowing all the staff’s names, and being known in return. Absinthe in the company of strangers, friends, and the unknown (have you met the green fairy?). The view from the peak of Hollyburn Mountain, sharing the setting sun with a friend, and feeling the burn in our legs on the long jog down. Sleeping on the best damned mattress at Blue’s. Sleeping on the couch at Lind’s. Sleeping on the air-mattress at Slack’s. Sleeping on the Floor at Ryan & Kim’s. Sleeping in the van behind the bar after the punk show with Findlay shivering and farting beside me. Hundreds of fresh photos (some to find their way to this blog). Discs full of freshly-bootlegged concerts. Laughing at the roots under the carpets of the basement in East Van. Finding out how pissed off Djane was when i split town without telling anyone where i was going. Bumping into Rob (who disappeared once himself) and hearing him say, “After 12 years, you’re the only friend I really regret leaving behind”.
Fuck everyone who calls it external gratification; these true friends of mine are the reason i keep on going. I’m loved unconditionally by people i’d hardly realized were there at all (damn me for a fool)! Love and human relationships are really that important. All we have is each other; even when it seems like nobody is there for you, you can be there for someone else. That’s the greatest thing. Some people talk about the limits to their love and friendship, as if selflessness might only be extended when it cannot compromise your dignity, self-respect, or self-worth. i disagree, but it’s damn hard to become that sort of person is who strong enough to give everything away! In fact, it’s just a little harder than being strong enough to keep it all to yourself.
But now, the paperwork is in order. Summer was a bust, and fall profitable enough, but the coming winter looks to be the best season yet. My mariner’s book has some nice new pages in it, the requisite visas and permits are in my bag, and it’s time to fly away. There’s just time for another “last hurrah”, maybe another meal with friends at DV8, or a rant over fallafel on Commercial Drive. There’s 1/2 a bottle o’ Fireball in the basement, and friends enough, new and old, to share this parting shot. HUZZAH!
September 22, 2004
fetch ’round th’world
We all have dreams, but at which point do they stop being dreams and start being plans and achievements? The furthest back that i can remember is when Hewitt invited Slacks and i up for New Year’s Eve, then later cancelled. Slacks and i had the time off work, and our road-trip vehicle prepared. We had to go somewhere.
We went to the city instead, where i met a person, who gave me a job, which introduced me to another person, who later introduced me to another person, which led to another job, where i met a sailor. This sailor indroduced me to another sailor, and to sea i went.
At that time i stepped away from dreams, and achieved one piece of me sailor-heart’s desire…
From there i met sailor upon sailor, and in the fullness of time (but not so long a time as all that) i met another sailor, a woman, who came to own me as no other had done before.
Now it’s hard to say, lads and lasses (tho’ i must confess, i dictate more to th’former than th’latter), when it was that we went wrong, tho’ if i was to guess, it came when we left the sea. Sea-legs were love-legs to we, and on th’hard we two did stagger. We were cast on land together, where things must have their appointed beginnings, and their appointed ends. In retrospect (always that the cunning teacher) my only real regret must be that i did not let her go th’sooner.
My sin it was to capture her; she is more wave than water, tho’ neither could i hold… She capsized me, as was wont to happen to a careless hand, setting a careless watch.
They say that in the Southern Ocean, the fetch does run th’world ’round, and in time, as wind and waves find their way eastwards, they have on occasion chance to run up upon themselves from behind; then there forms a wave so great, that none may stand before it.
There is no beginning at sea, says i, and no ending either. As creation calls it, first darkness, then water, and ever since, a wave ’round the world, before land or man or other fabulous animal. On land th’human animal is born and dies, but for th’sailors the sea.
Hewitt and Slacks have some idea of what beginning i claim, tho’ they cannot be my full heritage. But of my end, well… As this one wave does claim my heart, so it will be that the wind and sea claim my soul.
There is no better end for a sailor-song than that.
